Challenges

Bismillah,

For past few days I  have been very emotional. It affects the quality of work and perhaps my personality to a certain extend.

Majority of my friends probably gets sick of the way how I behave for past few months. From the point of changing jobs right up to the things that I rant about almost on a daily basis.

I took time this morning to reflect on the issues that causes this. Regardless the situation, I blame it entirely on myself. I have never blamed anyone else for the situation I am in and I can only hope Allah SWT will be merciful towards me and ease me in my suffering.

Oct 2013

This was the starting point. Towards end Oct / early Nov, I was in a meeting with my lead. Prior to that meeting, there was an announcement made by my boss to which I did not really think much of as how it is going to impact me.

I attribute this to my jovial mood then - having managed to register for my course in 2014, I made upfront payments for a semester and the bridging course fees in Dec 2013.

I have some money left and made plans to save more come bonus and commission pay out.

So during that meeting with my lead, he shared how it is going to impact me based on the first meeting with the boss. He later announced that I will no longer be getting my allowances - which is about 4 digits.

It will take immediate effect - Nov 2013 payroll. I was lucky that HR was unable to deduct it in Nov 2013 and i felt the impact in Dec 2013 payroll. I got lesser amount after that deduction.

Jan 2014 - April 2014

I was very sad of course. I could not save as much as I can and furthermore, I have to reduce my parents' allowance. Tell me, who among us would want to do that to our parents.

Mak has been generous to me. She paid for one of the semester fees as well. I shed tears thinking about it.

I was moody and took it out on myself - depress, i cried everyday but have to patient about it.

There's one evening after my appointment I was in Orchard road. I went to Paragon or Isetan (Cant remember which) and meet my late Kak Ann. Told her of my situation.

She ask if I am ok to work for her - take care of ladies shoes at Paragon over the weekend. The pay is $8.50 per hour exclude commissions. You know when you are desperate, you will do anything to cover up.

I work from 10 am to 10 pm - till April 2014. I left because it was too tiring. My legs was giving way - due to my slip disc.

Also, they paid too slow. I got commitments to settle.

What did I do? baking - and bachelor bakes was born.

Bachelor Bakes
Getting 1 or 2 orders a week may not mean much to some of you. However, to me it was a lifeline.
I reviewed all my expenses, stayed over at Mr L's place most of the time so that I can save money on transportation.

Moreover I can cook anything I want and bring it to work.

The hari raya orders was the best. With the amount of money I had collected, it lasted me till Hajj.

Great Friends

It is during these period that I confide into friend(s). Those that I can really trust and understand and don't make judgement about every single act that I do.

I have my friends who continuously texted / message me to ask how things are doing. Giving their doas and support and telling me to hold on. I am extremely touched and grateful.

There are friends who continuously ask me for my bakes and indirectly is helping me. One of them is Kak Ton. Without fail, she will always buy 1 cake from me every month. I am so thankful for her support.

Of course during such challenging times, you never know when help will come and they came from 3 different persons:

One such friend was Mr A. He loaned me about 2.5 months of my salary to help defray my fees. I have yet to return him anything - told me to take my time and stabilize myself.

Mr L gave me weekly support expenses to help me stay afloat while I slowly stabilize myself and get used to the changes.

Both men, stayed overseas and I meet them occasionally. Mr L, told me to take things easy and he knows my character really well.

An army mentor whom I respected so much during my NS days came to know of my situation and gave me a soft loan while things gets better.

 New Job = Wrong Decision Making

With the completion of my course, I decided maybe I should try to find a new job and as Allah SWT wills it, I got an offer that I wanted.

Being the meticulous person I am, every single question I asked hence that's why I accepted the offer UNTIL I came to work.

I lasted for 11 working days.

I feel so useless. As Allah SWT decree, the day i left, another job offer came to which I am working till today.

At times, I wonder why I accepted it. Is it  because I don't have a choice or is there something better awaits me?

I don't know what the future holds for me here. At times I feel like giving up but ALLAH SWT don't like us to give up. So I soldiered on cause I am very afraid if I go, He may not give me another one that easily.

Support

Thankful for the support that was given by friends who has been tasting my bakes - cakes or that cornflakes thing hahaa.. I have to swallow back MY WORDS.

Remember last year? I refused to bake honey cornflakes or chocolate chip cookies.

It's because it is tiring. However, I am determine to get myself out of this situation and therefore, I am taking orders for Hari Raya.


I thank all of you in advance for your support. I am here not to get sympathy but I believe I owe everyone an explaination to why I am doing all this.

I am sure there are questions of course and I am most willing to share it with you personally. This platform is a bit too public to air out everything.

Well, thank you for reading.

May we meet again. Inshaa Allah.

Nindaku - Hajjah Mariam

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim

*Ninda - the royal equivalent of Nenek (Grandmother)*

An Nisa' Verse 36
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful.

Al An'Am Verse 151
Say, "Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities - what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason."

Al Isra' Verse 23 - 24
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."

Al Ankabut Verse 8
And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

Luqman Verse 14 - 15
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

Al Ahqaf Verse 15-16
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims."

Those are the ones from whom We will accept the best of what they did and overlook their misdeeds, [their being] among the companions of Paradise. [That is] the promise of truth which they had been promised.

______________________________________________________________________

Read the verses above? See those red words?
That's how much Allah SWT loves us. He gave us parents who care for us - who EARNED rewards for caring for us and in turn He freely REWARDS us when we have to care our parents.

In my FB posting today, I mentioned that in June 2015, providence will be on their way to us. Allah SWT had answered my prayers.

After 7 years, my grandmother, Hajjah Mariam & aunt,  will be staying with us.
We last care for them in 2007/2008 period. My uncle, approached my parents about a few months back to initiate the discussion. However as they will be using my room, my mom suggested to my uncle to ask me directly. Of course I said yes. How can I say no?

Alhamdulillah, the whole family agree and excited to receive them. The idea was to get them in by end of May 2015. However, parents have a wedding to attend in Melaka in June and Mak is not comfortable with the idea of leaving them alone with the maid and us. She personally wants to oversee the caring of both Ninda & aunty.

There is so much to prepare. I have to start packing my clothes and place them in my brother's room and keep my wardrobe and some drawers free for them.

We have to start ensuring the house is spick and span and non slippery. The maid has been given instructions on the additional duties that she will have to do, however, her sleeping schedule remains the same. We have to enlist the help of my aunt if Ninda has to wake up at night to go toilet. I will also be spending more time here to ensure Ninda is well and fine.

It is going to be a busy raya as well. The last time when we had Ninda, our raya expenditure was about double. We have to host many extended families and that particular  year, I remember my parents were unable to visit others as they were busy receiving guests.

Ninda is 85 years old this year. A bit forgetful but still sweet in nature. Always thinking of a lot of things, talking about the past often and repeatedly that we all can only nod in polite acceptance.

Patience is the KEY in handling the elderly.

The ultimate reward however, is limitless.

I look forward to caring for Ninda again.

Inshaa Allah.

Edz

Culinary

Bismillahirrahmannirrahim,

And so, Abang Hisham, a figure whom I have known for at least 2 decades asked about my journey to cooking. Sulaiman, also ask me to write something exciting to which I am still thinking about his idea. See the snapshot from my facebook. Let's take an idea at a time.

The first time I learn how to cook was when Mr L came to stay over at my place one weekend and he requested for Mak to teach him how to cook her version of Mee Siam Goreng. So it was on a Sunday morning, Mr L and I (I was 17 years old and Mr L was 21), stand beside Mak and watch her cook a whole packet of Bee Hoon. 

At 17 years old I was not  impressed about it. However, it was much much later when the real spark took place - when I notice Mak isn't as strong as she was. It was in 2008 when I moved out of my parents home and start staying on my own - when I had to buy food instead of getting home cook food. To quote the Queen of Caldecott Hill, why cook when $3.00 can buy a packet of rice? 

Cooking can be an expensive hobby.

Anyway, the discovery for cooking started when I came back for Hari Raya in 2008 and I notice it was a very slow going for Mak. During Hari Raya there are 3 dishes that Mak will always cook and NEVER forego: 

1. Sambal Goreng 

2. Ayam Goreng Manis

3. Kuah Lodeh

I am sure most of you are familiar with dish 1 & 3, however not many is aware of dish 2. Try google it and you will never find the recipe. I will never release it as it is our family recipe for many many years.

Ayam Goreng Manis, had found its way to most of friends' tummy and since I refuse to share how we came up with recipe, they are contented to be invited to feast on it once a year and if I am nice, twice a year. 

There are many spices that is used for Ayam Goreng Manis. The preparation to cook this dish takes hours let alone to cook it. 

For the 3 dishes, Mak will NEVER, i repeat NEVER, use the blender. She cuts everything finely and use large quantities of it. She said blended ingredients dissolve the taste and to her it is most pleasurizing to prepare / cook it in the very traditional way. 

That got me thinking. If Mak one day isn't around, how do we deal with this. 

Hence I started to learn how to cook from then on. It seems natural to start learning how to cook your favorite dishes first.

Mak is my teacher for traditional malay dishes. The passing or excellent point was in 2009, when I came  home on the eve of Raya with a tupperware full of Ayam Goreng Manis. Her reaction upon me reaching the door, was to grab the tupperware, open it and scoop a spoonful of it and she tasted the gravy. 

What she said? 

"ahh..sama macam Mak punya...(ahhh same like mine)" That was the ultimate approval that I wanted.

Mr L is my teacher for cantonese / thai / ang  moh dishes. 

When I was staying in an apartment with full facility, I made use of the kitchen by cooking. It was a fantastic 2 years where I made use of it to evolve. 

Fastforward to today, I made full use of Mr L kitchen. I learn how to bake as well. Thus, with the support I received, Bachelor Bakes was born. 

Every year, I will host a catch up session during the CNY long holidays. I will prepare all the dishes in advance and cook up a storm in the kitchen. 

Friends whom I have the honour to cook for can vouch for me the effort that I took in each dishes, from preparing to presenting, that I love to cook and it shows. 

I do hope one day, I can host Abang Hisham to my own annual gathering, Inshaa Allah. 

Love, 

Aidil Edzwan 

Update 2015

Assalamualaikum,

It has been a while isn't it?
The last blog post was on Nura J. Lovely lady and she just gave birth to a cute baby boy - Oumar. Unique just like the mother.

We are still friends, we catch up and we talk and exchange ideas and opinions. I just met up with her last week - to see Oumar and to catch up after a year since I met them - Nura J, Saat & Alina.

How have all of you been? My apologies for not writing over a year. There are many things that I face and one of it is the death of my Mac White.

I could have used other sources, however, it doesn't feel the same.

Anyway I will share more updates paragraph by paragraph with the first para on....

Luth Arish

He is 2 years old now. Very active boy and exudes so much love that it is almost impossible to be angry with him. Manja yet independent, lovable yet naughty, smart and handsome.

I love him lots you know. I look forward to seeing him each time I am back at parents' place.

That brings to the point of ...

HOME

I moved in to Mr L's place. It was by choice of course - everything is new and so nicely renovated.
Most importantly - rent free.

First & foremost it was close to Recall @ Quality Road. It was next to the Taman Jurong Market - a place I have grown familiar with since working with Recall. It is a 3 mins walk to Masjid Assyakirin where now I frequent for my Subuh, Maghrib & Isyak more than the whole of my life.

We take turns to cook. Usually Mr L cooks since he got a new job at IBP and his regional position means somehow, he works from home all the time.

Saturdays are reserved for marketing, laundry (wash & iron) and baking days. I experimented with cheesecakes in 2014 and a new hobby turn business opportunity came up.

Bachelor Bakes 

In 2014, my interest in culinary expanded to Baking. I experimented with cookies, pastries, cakes and what not.

Still the fuss free lazy person that I am, I focus more on my cheesecakes and tarts. The ladies at Recall get free samples of my latest bakes.

Eventually word spread and I was baking for almost every single friend that I have. There's a list of choices that you can find and I am open for orders for Eid 2015 - cakes and cookies too!
 Do like our page! Click Here!

Family

Suwarti, the bibik is in her 3rd year now and she moved in with the parents from my sister - since my sis decided to have a break from maids for a while. Mom was in an intense diabetic situation last year to which I told her off - have mercy for yourself.

If you want Allah's mercy, you MUST get well. That's her KPI in 2014. I told her she is eating medication which isn't good for her liver or kidneys eventually.

Suwarti's move was timely and she manage the household as good as mom did. Mom now focus on healing and getting better. I can't be much more proud.

Oh...she started to learn how to use the iPad too...to my surprise..

Abah is still the same..always the good fellow at the front but has a long list of complaints later on. He calls it "i dont want to make it worse" situation. *roll eyes*

He wanted to retire from the current job and move to another job to which I said - WORK till they ask you to go.

My youngest sister is with TP and doing her visual merchandising course. Still good at it, though her first  year was full of hiccup and drama.

My brother as usual, hotel line, though I understand that he has upgraded himself. Kudos for listening and keeping up with my nagging.

The other sister, move on from a bank job, to another bank which didn't work and temping. She now works with one of the institution.

Life is still the same, nothing unusual and we all have to grow up to accept changes and challenges. Life is a bit challenging for me now, however, I have to look full ahead in order to be better.

Recall 
I left Recall this year in Feb. Currently now working with a recruitment firm in Jurong East. I was in Recall for close to a decade.

Somehow that Recall thing haven't really left  and I keep comparing what the new company offer / practise against what Recall did.

One good thing however, my "clean desk policy" which was drilled into me by the people in Recall became a habit and the HR Asia Pac commented that I had the most cleanest table among everyone in the office.

Kaplan
I took up studying again in 2014! Manage to get my Diploma in Business Administration, a dream came true for me when ACCA wasn't really working well for me.

I made enemies and friends and later on find out who are friends and who are enemies.

Alhamdulillah :)

Friends
My good friend from NSS - Almarhum Muhammad Firdaus Zainal Abidin pass away in 2013. It was not one of those good thoughts to remember. Full of drama on the day I heard the news from another friend, Siti Salamah.

We haven't met for almost a decade since he told me he was leaving for Germany in 2000. I met a friend of his at the burial site. We exchange contact and from then I found out what actually happen.

Al Fateha for Fir..

Suriana - ever the good friend still. We are in touch, always there and always supportive whenever I need a chat.

Mr L - ever since he is based in KL, the whole house is mine. However, I don't like to be alone and always spend time out of the house. At times I invite friends over for dinner - especially during those long weekend / holidays.

There are many many other friends that I treasure. Those in my FB list at least are the one whom I love to know, how they are doing in their career, their life etc. It's difficult to meet everyone and FB is there for us to know more about each other.

Faith / Religion
There's this relationship between me and Him that I use to have which at times I lost and at times I gain it back. However, I am determine to make it better this time round - for good.

Everyone of us has our own relationship and experiences. No point judging or criticizing. Just learn to live and live to make it better.

Allah SWT will not change our fate unless we change it ourselves first so WE owe it to Him to make it happen.


I am unsure why I bother to find the password, reset it and access this blog again. Maybe it is good to address it again or maybe it is just a phase or maybe I am just being me.

Thank you for reading.

Till my next post....

Love
Aidil Edzwan