We cursed when
1. We are angry with our colleagues
2. We are quarrelling between husbands and wives
3. We are upset with our siblings
4. We feel that we have been treated unfairly
It takes certain level of understanding and patience to actually accept that whatever happens to us is a result of our actions for in Al Quran there is a verse from Surah An Nisaa
أَيْنَمَا تَكُونُواْ يُدْرِككُّمُ الْمَوْتُ وَلَوْ كُنتُمْ فِي بُرُوجٍ مُّشَيَّدَةٍ وَإِن تُصِبْهُمْ حَسَنَةٌ يَقُولُواْ هَـذِهِ مِنْ عِندِ اللّهِ وَإِن تُصِبْهُمْ سَيِّئَةٌ يَقُولُواْ هَـذِهِ مِنْ عِندِكَ قُلْ كُلًّ مِّنْ عِندِ اللّهِ فَمَا لِهَـؤُلاء الْقَوْمِ لاَ يَكَادُونَ يَفْقَهُونَ حَدِيثًا
مَّا أَصَابَكَ مِنْ حَسَنَةٍ فَمِنَ اللّهِ وَمَا أَصَابَكَ مِن سَيِّئَةٍ فَمِن نَّفْسِكَ وَأَرْسَلْنَاكَ لِلنَّاسِ رَسُولاً وَكَفَى بِاللّهِ شَهِيدًا
Which means:
Wherever you may be, death will overtake you - even though you be in towers raised high. "Yet, when a good thing happens to them, some [people] say, "This is from God," whereas when evil befalls them, they say, "This is from thee [O fellowman]!”
Asad
Say: "All is from God." What, then, is amiss with these people that they are in no wise near to grasping the truth of what they are told?
AND WE have sent thee [O Muhammad] as an apostle unto all mankind: and none can bear witness [thereto] as God does. Whatever good happens to thee is from God; and whatever evil befalls thee is from thyself.
Surah An Nisaa 4:78-79. Taken from www.islamicity.com
The verse clearly explains that All Good is from God and Evil is from Us.
Therefore, mom always tells me but usually i m the one who do not listen, that
1. Always be careful of what I say to others
2. Try to seek guidance from Allah if there is a need to decide on something
3. Pray often; for prayers is the fundamentals to keep us out of mischief.
4. Never blame God when our doa is not fulfilled; perhaps Allah has something better in store for us.
5. Always think of the good things that will come out of a certain situation; only then will it bear fruit.
Truly, it is not easy to have a good heart. Being young, egoistic (yes i am and how many of you can admit that? I dare to admit it ok!) and forever wanting to be at the forefront, I do feel envious when i see some of my friends who are far ahead than me.
BUT I always try to put myself in perspective. I always say that I am the first born and my parents will expect more from me.
As 2 of my siblings are still in school, they do need my contribution to the family not to mention that my grandma and aunt is now living with us.
They are never a burden in fact they should be considered as a Rahmat as Allah has instructed us to care for the elderly when they get old, never to raise our voice at them and to speak nicely to them.
Based on my own experience, however it is not easy to care for an elderly. My grandma is very much full of love and emotions. She watches everyone with glistening eyes. Each time anyone of us leaves the house, she insist that she must see the person off at the door despite her small steps that she took to reach the door.
Never has anyone of us burst at her antics. We respect and loved her too much to ignore her. As someone who helped my mom to bring me up, the values that she teaches me through her stories and life experiences taught me one thing - we must always be humble regardless the nature of the receiving party.
To give is better than to receive after all.
Hence it is with this guidance, that I gave freely to anyone who ask regardless of their nature. I may not have enough but i do have some to give away.
Financially, our family is alright i guess. We got no debts except for the forever housing loans to pay and dad and myself contribute most of the household expenses.
As a son-in-law, my dad has no qualms about grandma staying with us. However he seems agitated lately.
After talking to him, I realised that he is worried that what he might not have enough. I understand how he feels. We have to note that out of all my uncles and aunties only 1 or 2 contribute to the living expenses of grandma and aunt.
I am not venting this out of anger but i personally believe that the responsibility of an elderly parents falls to every single one of the children and not to be push aside to just 1 or 2 children.
I have this believe that since it is a responsibility entrusted by God to us, we must note that caring for an elderly will bring us great rewards be it now or after we have passed on.
My grandma has 11 children. Out of 11, 1 is disabled, my aunt who is with us now. Out of 10, 4 are men, 6 are women.
Out of the 6 women, if i were to access each individual financially income, i think only my mom and another aunt has good stable income. The rest are struggling.
Out of 4 men, 1 is jobless while 1 has 2 kids and struggling but he did contribute to the monthly medical expenses and he do ferry my grandma anywhere she wants to go as he drove a cab. The other one, gives my grandma a monthly allowance - i think about $100.00 or slightly more than that. While another one with 1 kid and a wife seems a bit far off to contribut emuch. Unless of course, my grandma tells me another story - the above is what grandma has told me before.
Someone in the family give the opinion that old people don't each much. I challenged them to care for the 2 of them. They were skinny when they came to my place now they gain weight and eat well.
Grandma eats 3 full meals a day.
Another thing that I would like to share is this.
It has been a long time my family ever went out since grandma stays with us. Occasionally my parents and us do want some time to be together. It is difficult for us and we don't want to bring grandma along with us because we will need 2 cabs to go out and we are not sure if grandma eats the food that we fancy or would like to be at - such as delifrance or hyatt or swensens.
None of my aunts and uncles will call my mom to ask if she needs help for the month. I think it is important to ask because my mom is taking care of their mother. A certain sense of muhibbah must be displayed out of courtesy. As long as the mother is alive, all children must share the responsibility.
These life experiences that is right in front of us teaches me on the term responsibility.
Responsibility to an elderly is a wajib. It has to be done.
For readers, I just would like to advise that care freely for an elderly, give freely to them. In turn, Allah will reward you.
But it does not come easy. You have to have patience and faith. Insya Allah all will turn out well.
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