The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.' The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman, but as the saying goes, there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Marriage Jokes
Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage.... Simply read from bottom to top!
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage.... Simply read from bottom to top!
Jangan Stress...Baca ni!
Sorry - only for those who understand malay language..
ORANG YANG TIDAK JUJUR :Orang yang kalau kentut salahkan orang lain.
ORANG BANGANG :Orang yang tak sedar kalau dia tengah kentut
ORANG SENGSARA :Orang yang nak kentut tapi tak boleh
ORANG YANG MISTERI :Jika dia kentut, orang lain tak tau
ORANG GUGUP :Orang yang tiba2 menahan kentutnya saat kentut
ORANG BANGGA/RIAK :Orang yang ingat kentut dia wangi
ORANG SADIS :Orang yang kalau habis kentut, kentutnya dikibaskan dekat orang lain
ORANG PEMALU :Orang yang kentut tak bunyi, tapi malu sendiri
ORANG BANYAK IDEA :Orang yang menyembunyikan kentutnya dengan tertawa terbahak-bahak
ORANG YANG BERJIMAT :Orang yang habis kentut, menghirup kentutnya sendiri untuk menggantikan kentutnya yang keluar
ORANG PEMARAH :Kentutnya sungguh panas berapi.
ORANG SOMBONG :Orang yang kalau dia terkentut, akan diceritakan kentutnya itu berasal dari restoran mahal
ORANG BOSAN:Orang yang kalau kentut atau orang lain kentut, riak mukanya sama sahaja seperti tiada apa2 berlaku
ORANG RAMAH :Orang yang suka mencium kentut orang lain
ORANG YANG AKUATIK :Orang yang hobi kentut di dalam air.
ORANG YANG ATHLETIC :Orang yang kentut sambil mengeluarkan tenaga dalaman
ORANG JUJUR :Orang yang mengaku bila habis kentut meskipun orang lain tak tanya
ORANG KUAT INGATAN :Orang yang boleh tahu kentut orang lain dengan bau, bunyi serta kehangatannya.
ORANG MALANG :Orang lain yang kentut, tapi dia yang selalu kena.
ORANG MUZIK :Orang yang kentutnya berirama
ORANG INTERNET :Orang yang bunyi kentutnya macam bunyi modem.
ORANG KERAS KEPALA :Orang yang terus balas kentut jika ada orang lain yang berani kentut di depannya
ORANG TAK GUNA :Orang yang mengentuti orang lain tepat di mukanya.
ORANG YANG TIDAK JUJUR :Orang yang kalau kentut salahkan orang lain.
ORANG BANGANG :Orang yang tak sedar kalau dia tengah kentut
ORANG SENGSARA :Orang yang nak kentut tapi tak boleh
ORANG YANG MISTERI :Jika dia kentut, orang lain tak tau
ORANG GUGUP :Orang yang tiba2 menahan kentutnya saat kentut
ORANG BANGGA/RIAK :Orang yang ingat kentut dia wangi
ORANG SADIS :Orang yang kalau habis kentut, kentutnya dikibaskan dekat orang lain
ORANG PEMALU :Orang yang kentut tak bunyi, tapi malu sendiri
ORANG BANYAK IDEA :Orang yang menyembunyikan kentutnya dengan tertawa terbahak-bahak
ORANG YANG BERJIMAT :Orang yang habis kentut, menghirup kentutnya sendiri untuk menggantikan kentutnya yang keluar
ORANG PEMARAH :Kentutnya sungguh panas berapi.
ORANG SOMBONG :Orang yang kalau dia terkentut, akan diceritakan kentutnya itu berasal dari restoran mahal
ORANG BOSAN:Orang yang kalau kentut atau orang lain kentut, riak mukanya sama sahaja seperti tiada apa2 berlaku
ORANG RAMAH :Orang yang suka mencium kentut orang lain
ORANG YANG AKUATIK :Orang yang hobi kentut di dalam air.
ORANG YANG ATHLETIC :Orang yang kentut sambil mengeluarkan tenaga dalaman
ORANG JUJUR :Orang yang mengaku bila habis kentut meskipun orang lain tak tanya
ORANG KUAT INGATAN :Orang yang boleh tahu kentut orang lain dengan bau, bunyi serta kehangatannya.
ORANG MALANG :Orang lain yang kentut, tapi dia yang selalu kena.
ORANG MUZIK :Orang yang kentutnya berirama
ORANG INTERNET :Orang yang bunyi kentutnya macam bunyi modem.
ORANG KERAS KEPALA :Orang yang terus balas kentut jika ada orang lain yang berani kentut di depannya
ORANG TAK GUNA :Orang yang mengentuti orang lain tepat di mukanya.
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